Say Goodbye To My Heart Tonight
by HugBubble
Summary: Darcy/Bucky one-shot, wherein Darcy is a confused mess and Bucky is an obliging gentleman, sorta... Rated M for sexual scenes and kinda being PWP-ish.


**Say Goodbye To My Heart Tonight**

 **A/N: I have spent the last... 12 hours? or so listening to Animals by Neon Trees on repeat thanks to a film called What's Your Number and the fact that I realised that the lyrics of that song are perfect for me right now: I recommend you go listen to it at least once in conjunction with reading this. I was supposed to have a lot of plans tonight, but they fell through despite my attempts to not let them... The result of all of that is this Fic. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, which was a lot! It's not really meant to be porn with plot so much as it is plot with porn, in a way; or at least that's how it was intended. This is a little rough as it's not been proof-read yet - my proof reader has work tomorrow and so is asleep, but I wanted to post it up tonight. So there's a chance once she's read it a few things might get edited in a couple of days. Hopefully not too much though, I'm pretty happy with it.  
**

 **A/N 2: I do not own any of the characters or anything else to do with Marvel, no matter how much I want my own Bucky. Other things I do not own in this fic are: Animals by Neon Trees; Victoria Secret (I'll be honest, it should be Ann Summers, but Darcy is American so I changed it. I don't own either of them); Blind Date; Tetris; Batman; Nathan Fillion or Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog. I do own the ring I found on the beach when I was 7 though, and I do have a Nathan Fillion hoodie I bought off of Red Bubble.**

* * *

Darcy peeled herself out of the tights she'd put on not five minutes previously and flopped down on her bed, throwing both the tights and her jean-shorts across the room in frustration. She refreshed her phone again, pointlessly, staring at the last message she'd received: " _I'm really sorry, Steve's still helping me fix my bike, I can't make it to the cinema right now..._ " It wasn't like she hadn't been expecting it, really, because he'd been awkward and avoided making definite plans since the beginning of the weekend. But she'd still hoped; still showered with her favourite raspberry and chocolate shower gel; still shaved _everywhere_ ; still put on her best Victoria's Secret underwear - a mint green bra with pure white lace across it accompanied by a white lace thong with little bows in the same mint green.

When Steve had first introduced her to Bucky Barnes, it had been under the pretext that he couldn't be solely responsible for Bucky's rehabilitation into modern day life, and he rather gallantly admitted he knew nobody else who knew more about popular culture than Darcy Lewis. She had beamed with pride at the Cap and told him she accepted the mission.  
So they'd got to talking, and she ended up taking him out on the most normal evening she could think of: to the cinema. Thanks to the three hours of walking and talking around the city afterwards, in which Bucky was mostly silent and Darcy somehow told him a lot of personal information without actually telling him anything _really_ important, by the time she got home Darcy felt like it was a lot closer to a date than she'd planned it to be. Naturally, she cornered Steve the first chance she got. Bless his little gentleman's heart, he quelled under the look of scorn and betrayal she gave him. Apparently some mutual 'friends' of theirs (and Darcy had a good suspicion who * _cough_ *Jane* _cough_ *Thor* _cough_ *) had mentioned to Steve what a "perfect match" the newly rehabilitated Sergeant and the crazy intern would make. Fab. Her life was suddenly an episode of _Blind Date_.  
But she'd just smiled and told Cap she didn't mind really; Bucky was exceptionally attractive and starting to share a lot of the same interests as her and had a great deal of Steve's politeness, but there was clearly a streak of old playboy charm peeking through his surly, partially-reformed exterior which intrigued her more than it should. Obviously, she only told Steve about the attractive-shared-interests-politeness parts of those thoughts.  
After that, they'd been talking for pretty much two weeks non-stop. About everything and anything; mostly TV and films and such, because Darcy still tried to maintain that was what she was talking to him for, but sometimes just about what they'd been up to for the day or how they were feeling. She also was unashamed to admit they'd discussed sex - not explicitly, but it had come up a few times, and tension was building as rapidly as Tetris blocks.  
But they hadn't really had a chance to meet up again. Bucky was living with Steve in a little house just off-site of the new Avengers Base, and Darcy in the centre of the city in the apartment block Jane and Eric worked out of while they were in New York. It's not like it was miles, but with the jobs they had they just weren't in a position for regular dates, or whatever might actually be going on between them.

So, when Jane had told Darcy that she and Eric would be away for the weekend at some big scientists' conference in Brussels, the first thing Darcy had done was message Bucky and ask what his plans were for the weekend. Cinema? New tacky superhero film that was out? Excuse to wear hot shorts that he'd maybe definitely said he liked her ass in before? Yes please.  
Apparently not so much. First off he'd said he wasn't free _that_ night because Steve still wanted him for training. Fair enough, it was kinda late notice anyways and it was still a Friday. Then Saturday he said he was helping Steve finish unpacking his stuff in the new house. Darcy didn't think much of it; there was a lot going on in the aftermath of the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D and then the birth of the new Avengers team, Steve probably _hadn't_ had too much time to himself for stuff like furniture arrangement any more than she had lately. But when she asked Sunday morning and Bucky came out with " _Yeah my bike's kinda screwed, Steve's helping me fix it but it's in pieces right now and I might not be able to get to you tonight,_ " Darcy wondered if he wasn't busy so much as avoiding seeing her. Great. What had Steve said to him? "Hey Bucky, you know that girl you went on that _one_ not-really-a-date with? Yeah, we all think you should definitely have a relationship and get married and have loads of tiny super-human babies. She as good as told me she wants to, too." But the Cap she really knew had far more tact than the one in brain, so maybe not.

Therefore, Darcy Lewis was now laying on her giant bed, having reduced her get-up to Batman pj-shorts and a baggy grey hoodie with the Nathan Fillion 'Coat of Arms' on it, and staring blankly at the bubble on her phone that said " _No worries, hope everything's okay and you can fix it soon!_ " wondering if even _that_ came across as too eager. _Active 4 minutes ago_ was visible there, too. She locked her phone and threw her face into the nearest pillow, internally sighing with self-exasperation.

30 minutes passed. She didn't even move.

" _Yeah me too, I do want to see you again_ "  
" _Sameeee, but I didn't want to come across as too eager, and I felt like I was pestering you too much by constantly asking and being over organised and yeah. I'm sorry x_ "  
" _You worry too much. I hadn't even really thought about it like that, you just talk a lot!_ "  
" _Are you sure? Because there's the thing, and stuff, and I have reasons why I worry too much, and I don't mean to come across like that, but you don't need to know all about that right now. Sorry for worrying._ "  
The next one took Bucky longer.  
" _Are you okay?_ "  
Damn it. He'd interpreted her incessant babbling for what it really was: sheer panic and sadness. Darcy did what she always did when she was nervous, sliding her ring off her left index finger and twirling it over and over. The ring was clearly an engagement ring, set with three diamonds in a gold band, and she had found it on the beach with her mother when she was 7. It was the most important object she owned. In the end, she took the simplest route.  
" _Umm yeah, I'm fine._ "  
Then, for good measure to seem more casual, " _Are you?_ "  
" _Yeah_ ," was all she got back. Good, that had worked.  
The truth was, Darcy was super not okay. She felt very, very hollow. She had for the past two months. Ever since Ian.

That day in London, when she'd kissed Ian for the first time, had been the start of a long, loooong, downward spiral. Of course, it hadn't felt like it at the time. At the time, it was amazing. It's always amazing _at the time_ , she realised now.  
Ian had been perfect. He was easy to talk to, he was incredible in bed, and since Jane had more time with Thor he became her best friend. That was the start. It was casual and fun and _nice_. So obviously, Darcy had fallen in love with him.  
It had taken a year, a whole _year_ of on-again-off-again sex whenever they were in the same country (he was still technically a student in London, after all) for Darcy to admit how she felt about him. And what did he say back? He told her he was in love with a girl he used to work with called Heather. They agreed they probably shouldn't stay friends, after that.

Which was why now, lying on her bed with still-wet hair plastered to her neck from where she'd been stopped half way through getting ready, Darcy was crying like a three-year-old who had been denied the prettiest pony doll in the store.  
Originally, with the idea of Bucky, she'd wanted to just feel nothing for a while. Have a fling with a guy she thought was probably as detached as she needed to be. But now she wanted to just _feel_. Anything. A part of her still wanted the meaningless, exhausting, steamy sex that she'd planned, just so she knew she _could_ do that, since so many other people did. But she also needed to know she could be with somebody other than _him_ , and that she could be happy about it. Or at least not feel sad. It had been too long since she'd had sex and not felt unconditionally _un_ happy afterwards.

It was nearly midnight when she finally messaged Bucky again.  
" _I lied earlier._ "  
" _Oh?_ "  
" _I'm not okay._ "  
" _I didn't think you were. What's up?_ "  
" _Come over. You know my address from when you dropped me home before._ "  
This wasn't really how she'd planned it in her head. She'd wanted to be dressed a lot sexier than this. She'd wanted it to be after a proper date, so that she didn't feel so slutty and so that maybe it could turn into something more serious when she was ready. She'd wanted to have their first kiss on her doorstep and coyly invite him up for coffee in the most cliché style possible.

The knock on her door came sooner than she expected.  
He was standing there, looking way better than she'd remembered. The version of him in her memory often looked like he had on the news back before Steve had found him again; all long hair and dark eyes. Now his hair was cut shorter, though he didn't slick it back like in the photos from the 40's, so it stuck up slightly and gave him a permanently rolled-out-of-bed look. He'd shaved his ragged almost-beard down to stubble, too, and his eyes seemed somehow lighter, like the weight had visibly lifted from his soul. He wore baggy jeans and a baggy long sleeved sweater, despite the humid summer night.  
Bucky opened his mouth, whether to greet her or ask what was wrong she wasn't sure, but Darcy cut him off before he could start.  
"Please don't question any of this."  
Then she took advantage of his still parted lips and sealed hers to his, closing her eyes and revelling in the mish-mash-taste of salt and coffee on her own tongue and what she was fairly sure was cereal and marshmallows on his. Darcy dragged him backwards with her left hand bunched into his sweater, using her the flat of her right to bang the door shut behind them. She was very aware of Bucky's hands, too: one was tangling in her hair, which was still slightly damp from hours previous; the other was heavier and placed firmly against where her waistline met the top of her hip, it felt cold where it brushed against the parts of her not successfully covered by clothing.  
Still half dragging him, Darcy steered them around the couches and into her bedroom, backing herself onto the bed so that her knees gave way behind her and she flopped against the covers. She felt the pressure of Bucky's weight denting into the bed next to her and fluttered her eyes open, turning so she could latch back onto him. Before she did, Darcy pulled his sweater over his head and threw it absently to the side. As she manoeuvred herself to straddle his waist and placed her hands onto his shoulders, Bucky flinched.  
"What's-," she stumbled breathlessly on the words, "Did I-," she lifted her hands up, significantly more delicately than the way she had first placed them against him, "You okay?"  
Bucky shook his head slightly and clenched his eyes shut tightly, as though internally fighting something before he opened them again, "Does... Does it not bother you?"  
Darcy was nonplussed, "Does what not bother me?"  
He didn't quite flinch this time, but he still frowned a great crease between his brows before directing his gaze towards his left arm, "My arm?"  
"Bucky," they looked each other straight in the eyes for the first time that night, "I couldn't give a fuck if you had _no_ arm right now, okay?"  
He simply nodded once in response, understanding that as few words as possible was what Darcy needed.  
She didn't move her hands back against his shoulders now, though, more conscious than she had been before of the scarring that ran along the edge of the metal side. Instead she moved her hands to his, bringing them up against the edges of her hoodie. Bucky followed the implication, dragging his hands lightly up her back and pulling the material over her head, Darcy's hair falling back down in heavy waves and dancing across the top of her chest. He unconsciously let out a light moan, and it occurred to Darcy that this moment was probably over 60 years in the making for him. For the first time, a small smile twinged the corners of her lips as she bent back down to kiss him.  
It wasn't much longer before both Bucky's scruffy jeans and Darcy's barely-there Batman shorts had been lost to the floor, and Bucky's metal hand was hooked lightly in the band of Darcy's cherry-patterned panties. For her part, Darcy would have already had Bucky's underpants off had he not been pinned still between her and the mattress.  
In one swift motion, Bucky had managed to remove the last of her clothing (Darcy later discovered there was in fact a clean rip along one side of those panties), the last of his own, and flip their positions. He began kissing down her neck and chest, pausing longer to tease at her pert nipples with his tongue, before she spoke as he reached her navel.  
"No."  
"No?" Bucky looked up, curiously.  
"No. This isn't about caring or giving or any of that bullshit."  
Bucky cocked his head to the side, which would have been almost comically cute if Darcy had been predisposed to notice that sort of thing right then, "I thought it was about pleasure?"  
"Not really. It's about you banging me until I can't remember my own name or how I feel or where I am."  
So Bucky shifted his weight back up the bed, kissing her once more before hovering slightly above her, "Fine then," and he grinned, a proper, eager smile, one that belonged to the charming playboy she had guessed he was when they first met, then, "Do you have protection?" Ahh, there was the gentleman, thank god.  
Darcy waved a hand in the direction to the side and behind of her, "Top drawer."  
Bucky moved off of her and opened the drawer, allowing Darcy to sit up momentarily in the middle of the bed. She watched him as he carefully ripped the corner of the condom packet with his teeth; damn, she'd forgotten how hot it was when guys did that.  
The issue taken care of, Darcy pushed lightly against Bucky's chest so he stayed sitting up, leaning against the back of the headboard. She moved her legs to either side of his waist, and felt his arms circle her as he placed his hands, one warm and one still cool, across her back. She wasn't gentle as she lowered herself onto him, instead thrusting down with a rapidness that caused him to moan loudly, his head jerking back slightly at the sensation. Truthfully, she hadn't intended to go _quite_ that far down straight away; she was more turned on than she'd thought herself. Still, the response she received was certainly satisfying.  
Moving her hips swiftly, Darcy used her own hands to get purchase on Bucky's slightly shaggy hair. Her position stable, she lowered her head down to kiss Bucky's neck, sucking and biting gently and eliciting more groans of pleasure from the man beneath her. As he moaned, Bucky gripped her back harder, digging the slightly rough nails of his right hand in along the side of her spine. Darcy reacted to the sensation, pushing herself down harder and further against him and feeling more of him fill her; the tip of his cock reaching insider her to places she was sure had not been reached before.  
" _Hmmnnggg_ " she murmured into the side of his neck, her teeth grating along his throat as she struggled to focus. The slight sound of his laugh and the sensation as he exhaled so close to her ear sent Darcy over the edge, and she felt herself contract before cumming around him.  
Moving his right hand to cup her cheek, Bucky kissed her then, deeply and needily, as though he had to connect as many parts of them together as he could in that one moment. Shifting beneath her, Bucky pushed his chest against hers, guiding her with his metal arm so she was laying beneath him now. Then he was the one moving his hips in a rhythm; he was the one biting down against the part of skin where her right shoulder met her neck; he was the one driving himself inside her, carefully hitting the spot that made her whimper and scream and feel like she was melting into oblivion under him every time he shifted a fraction against her. It didn't take long this time for her to cum, though when she did she neither whimpered nor screamed, but muttered a simple "oh" into the dusky light of the room as her eyes rolled slightly, and this time Bucky too came with her, shuddering as he did so and grasping her against him with both hands so tight Darcy felt like she might shatter apart the instant he let go, which in a way she supposed she did.

They lay simply clasped against each other for several moments, moments which could have been seconds or hours, the air around them felt so quiet and still and perfect that it was impossible to tell. Finally, Bucky rolled to side, pulling himself out of Darcy as he did so, and they sighed loudly and simultaneously.  
"Now what?" Bucky turned his head to her, not sure what the protocol might be following such an improvised and un-discussed bedroom session these days.  
"You still haven't watched Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog," Darcy stated, bluntly and without missing a beat, twisting herself onto her side and pulling herself up. She fished his sweater off the floor, muttered "Dibs," under her breath, and picked a DVD off the shelf to the side of the room, popping the case open and inserting the disc into the TV at the end of her bed, all before he could really even process that she was serious.  
Bucky sat up, looking around for what might have happened to his pants before they hit him in the back.  
"Thanks," he said, trying to replicate her bluntness but failing for the first time in over half a century. He pulled his underwear on, then shook his head, "No, wait."  
"Wait what?" Darcy frowned at him, already settling herself back against the pillows she'd rearranged.  
"I let that all happen without asking anything. Now I'm asking. What the hell was that all about?"  
Darcy sighed, "I'm not ready to tell you, yet," she conceded.  
"But you... Will?" Bucky quirked an eyebrow at her.  
She looked him up and down, considering, "Yeah, I think I probs will, one day. But I'm not ready, not yet, I can't-"  
"Hey shh," he leaned back next to her, lightly nudging his left shoulder to her right, "I get it. Believe me."  
"Since you asked, I'm gonna ask too - how comes you were actually able to get here tonight, if your bike was so messed up?"  
"I borrowed Steve's, dummy."  
"So you weren't, umm," Darcy looked rather embarrassed for asking, "You weren't lying to avoid seeing me?"  
Bucky actually quirked a smile at her ignorance, "No, of course not. Why would you think that?"  
"Because I was worried I kept talking to you too much just because I wanted someone to talk to about something that wasn't either work or Thor, and I felt like I was being too intense and you were just too nice to say so even when I asked, and I know you probably don't want a relationship right now because it's way too soon and complicated and I don't really either, but I don't want to not see you again and I-"  
"Stop babbling," Bucky smirked, and kissed her lightly against her forehead.

Bucky Barnes loved every minute of the first time he watched Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog just as thoroughly as he loved it the 25th time months down the line. Darcy Lewis did eventually tell him about what had caused her to sleep with him that night, about how Ian had broken her heart, and finally about how it was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. She also actually told him as soon as she realised she was in love with him; Bucky reciprocated, naturally. They still don't know what sort of relationship they're in, but Steve and Jane are very proud of them.

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 **A/N 3: Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it - if you did, please show your support by reviewing! ^_^ I want to say I have a much longer Darcy/Bucky fic in the works, but every time I promise something on here I never deliver, so let's see... Also, on a more serious note, reviews would be properly appreciated just because this was my first time writing full on smut, so although I've read a _lot_ of it in my time, I may be terrible at writing it, so honest opinions, please! Xxxxxxx  
P.S. The photo of Sebastian I used for the cover of this story is basically how I imagine Bucky looking when he turns up at Darcy's door. All casual and semi-scruffy and adorable.  
**


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